Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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