Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Randomize
