Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
