a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
