Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.