omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.