My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?