I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"