Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So much rum. So many feels.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.