I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
