i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
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I love how my cats smell like pot.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
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He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night