Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
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shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up