I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
