He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize