i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
