i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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