The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
