i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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