Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
