Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
