he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he shaved USA in his pubs
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
We need to get me chipped asap
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
