4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
