True but thats because hes a fetus.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
