Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
