Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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