God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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