I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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