Whod you bang
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize