I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
