rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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