Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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