well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
