2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
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