oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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