it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize