FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Randomize
