haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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