We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
