im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
There r osticjed everywhere
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
