Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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