Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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