I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
