Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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