i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
