Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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