He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
