That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
organizing the empties. That sober.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
