I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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