I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
