That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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