so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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