i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
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that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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