I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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