we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
