He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
