You work out of a Hotel?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
