In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
