it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
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