He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
