Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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