Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
