You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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