I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
