I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
