I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
