Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
