When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
