if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
These tits shall not be calmed
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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