sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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