I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
