College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
