Taylor Swift is so right about you.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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