You were right. It hurts to walk today.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
