True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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