if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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